woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
