first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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