the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
