Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
