Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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