New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
