i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
