I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
