I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
