i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
