so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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