It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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