In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
