she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
