I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
