Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
