Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
