im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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