I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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