I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
