Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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