Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
