Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
