all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
