i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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