i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
