Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
