Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
