wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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