If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
