I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
