my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
