i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
