could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
