Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
