I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish there were birth control emojis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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