I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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