The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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