My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
