Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
