I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
