What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
