enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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