I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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