if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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