I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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