Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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