So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
