FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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