Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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